The time I was almost on America's Most Wanted

or maybe it's Unsolved Mysteries?

“Hey, mom? Can Evan and I go around the block?” my daughter asked.

I hesitated.

“Uh … let’s see,” I said, thinking about my options.

They should be outside. It was July, after all, and even at 9 a.m. it was already scorching hot outside. It had been a rough day, my kids waking at 5:40 and begging for ice cream for breakfast, making huge messes, begging for TV. They’d gone around the block with me or my husband a million times.

On the other hand, even though they were old enough to take a bike ride around the block, they’d been arguing a lot and I didn’t want my daughter to ditch her little brother somewhere. Things got heated over tiny things — one had more peas than the other on their plate, the other one had that toy first, what show to watch.

“Do you both want to go?”

Avery looked at Evan, conspiratorially, and they both yelled, “YES!”

“Okay. Wear your helmets. Check in with me after you go around twice, okay?”

They agreed, and ran into the garage. I peeked out the front window to make sure they were, indeed, wearing their helmets, then busied myself washing the pans from last night’s dinner.

Time went by, then a little more, then a suspicious amount of time. I told myself to wait three more minutes and then I should go investigate. At two minutes, I was convinced they’d been kidnapped and now I’d be on America’s Most Wanted. Nope, Unsolved Mysteries. Did either of those shows still exist?

I had my shoes on and was debating whether I should go on bike, or take the car in case someone was hurt, when my phone rang.

It was Linda, my neighbor and close friend. Oh god. My heart began pounding – one of them broke their leg! One of them is on fire! One of them started the other on fire!

“Hey, Christy, so, I just wanted to tell you …”

“WHAT IS IT? What is wrong?” I interrupted. Then, I heard weird, muffly sounds. Linda was crying! Someone was definitely on fire. But then, the sounds got a little louder, and I realized she was laughing! I needed to hang up because I was glad she was laughing but my kids needed me and I needed to go. Now.

She could barely get the words out. “Avery and Evan,” she got out.

“Are they okay?” I asked.

“They’re … oh my gosh. Okay, I’m sorry. Your kids are around the corner from your house … their bikes are on the ground next to them, and so I pulled over to make sure they’re all right, and they are having a great time.”

I waited.

“Christy, they have a gallon bucket of ice cream and they are scooping it out with their hands!”

They’d made a plan to get the bucket of ice cream from the garage freezer, went just far enough around the corner that I couldn’t see them, and went.to.town. When they came home, it was ALL over their faces and hands and clothes, and even their bikes.

And that was the day I realized that if my kids ever wanted to do something together, it was probably not for good.

🤣